If it would be cheaper to buy a new unit, the company will insist on repairing the old one.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
The component of any circuit which has the shortest service life will be placed in the least accessible location.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
If you hit two keys on a typewriter, the one you don't want will hit the paper.
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
Science is true. Don't be mislead by facts.
If it's green or it wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Nothing improves innovation like the lack of controls.
If reproductibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
Any techincal problem can be overcome given enough time and money.
However, you are never given enough of either...
One man's error is another man's data.
To err is human. To really screw things up requires a computer.
When programming never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
You may know where the market is going, but you can't possibly know where it's going after that.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you have it made.
Indecision is the basis for flexibility.
Never create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
When in doubt, predict that the trend will continue.
It is a simple task to make things complex, but it is a complex task to make them simple.
Every great idea has a disadvantage equal to or exceeding the greatness of the idea.
Only adults have difficulty with child-proof bottles.
You never have the right number of pills left on the last day of a prescription.
The pills to be taken with dinner will be the least appetizing ones.
A drug is a substance that, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
There are two kinds of adhexive tape: that which won't stay on and that which won't come off.
The wrong quarterback is the one that's in the game.
Whenever a superstar is traded to your favorite team, he fades. Whenever your team trades away a useless no-name, he immediately rises to stardom.
A mediocre player will sink to the level of his or her opposition.
The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.
The time to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season draws nearer.
The least experienced fisherman always catches the largest fish.
The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
All things being equal, you lose.
All things being in your favour, you still lose.
When necessary, metric and inch tools can be used interchangeably.
When the need arises, any tool or object closest to you becomes a hammer.
ServiceStation:
A place where you fill the car and empty the family.
Any given program when running will be obsolete.
Any given program and its data will always expand to fill all available memory.
The more time and effort you put into preparing a meal, the greater the chance that yours guests will spend the entire meal discussing other meals they have had.
Adding time to a late software project only makes it later.
The more expensive the kitchen gadget, the less often you will use it.
The time spent consuming a meal is inversely proportional to the time spent preparing it.
Washing machines only break down during the "wash" cycle.
There is always more dirty laundry than clean laundry.
A child will never spill on a dirty floor.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
The probability of a cat eating its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it.
The stomach will always expand to accommodate the amount of junk food available.
If you buy bananas before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.
The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.
If there are only two TV shows worth watching, they will be on at the same time.
The length of the marriage is inversely proportional to the amount spent on the wedding.
The one who snores always falls asleep first.
Other peoples romantic gestures seem novel and exciting.
Your own romantic gestures seem foolish and clumsy.
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
Never get excited about a person because of what it looks like from behind.
People to whom you are attracted invariably think you remind them of someone else.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Virtue is its own punishment.
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
The pimples don't appear until an hour before the date.
The scratch on the record is always through the song you like the most.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
To err is human - to blame it on someone else is even more human.
Don't worry about what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying about what you're thinking about them.
He who laughs last - probably didn't get the joke.
The size of your bladder descreases in direct proportion with the distance to the nearest washroom.
All constants are variables and variables never change.
It's not a program bug - it's an undocumented feature.
Even Cinderella had to kiss a lot of toads before she found a prince.
Software technical support is never available when you come across a problem. And the next day is always Saturday.
In software there is always a new version which proports to correct all known bugs in the current version. The new version also introduces new bugs.
You always phone about the new software upgrade a week before it is released. You will get yours within two months after that point. It won't work.
The thing you liked most about a software program is omitted, missing, or no longer functional in the latest version.
You can't get something for nothing. Unless it's free advice and then it's worth exactly what you paid for it.
With advertisements always remember to read between the lies.
Stress is what you feel when you read books that tell you why you are suffering from stress.
Fewer things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
There is no such thing as a bad program - it can always serve as an example of "how not to".
Youth and innocense will never overcome age and treachery.
Inflation is defined as the quality that makes balloons larger and candy bars smaller.
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
He who leaves nothing to chance will do few things wrong. But he will do very few things.
You know you're getting old when you see a pretty girl and it brings back memories rather than arousing hopes.
You know you're getting old when your back goes out more often than you do.
You know you're getting old when that gleam in your eye is the light reflecting off your bifocals.
Simple jobs always get put off because there is always time to do them later.
If you're early, it will be cancelled.
If you're on time you will have to wait.
If you're late, you will be too late.
You can't get there from here.
Never draw what you can copy.
Never copy what you can trace.
Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
If your condition seems to be getting better, it's probably your doctor getting sick.
If you lived here, you'd be home now.
If only one price can be obtained for any quotation, the price will be unreasonable.
The odds of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich landing face down on the carpet is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The most important item in any order will either be backordered or no longer available.
Murphy was an optimist.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
A hidden flaw never remains hidden.
If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing.
In a three story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten the elevator will be on a floor where you are not.
The distance to the departure gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch your flight.
The greater the cost of putting a plan into operation, the less chance there is of abandoning the plan - even if it subsequently becomes irrevelant.
No one keeps a record of decisions you could have made but didn't. Everyone keeps a record of your bad ones.
